Slipping Up
by hysterekal00
Summary: Jasper messed up...agian. Alice followes him outside into the forest in a desperate attempt to comfort him. What will she discover? Alice POV. One-shot.


Human blood. It was everywhere. On his face, on his hands, and coating the designer outfit I had bought for him. But perhaps most apparent was the look of shame written all over his face. I stayed still, aching for my husband. My emotions conflicted, switching from sympathy to pain. And I knew that that hurt him even more. I watched as he looked at everyone's faces, shame and hurt evident on all of them. He choked out a sob and ran back out the door, not wanting to face us anymore. I finally found that I could move my legs and ran after him, wanting, needing to hold him, to tell him that everything was alright.

I dashed through the trees, following his scent through the forest. "Jas!" I called, knowing he would hear me. "Jazzy, please!" I kept running, praying that he was okay.

Suddenly, I pulled up short. A figure stood in front of me, his face turned. "She was ten. Ten." His voice floated back to me. "I'm a monster."

"No, you're not!" I protested, walking over ad grabbing his arm.

"Yes I am!" He whirled around to face me, pain written all over his face. "The entire family thinks so!"

"No we don't, Jas, please!" I pleaded with him.

But he was beyond the point of reason now. "I killed her, Alice. Killed her! She had a life, family, friends, people who will be waiting for her and she will never come back!" He sank to his knees, breaking free of my grasp. He buried his face in his hands, shaking.

I kneeled down next to him and sipped my hand up his shirt, rubbing his back, tracing the myriad of scars with my finger. "You're not a monster." I whispered. "Monsters don't grieve for their kills."

"But to not be a monster, you _can't_ kill!" Jasper pounded the ground with his fist. "I'm so weak! Always having to fight it, never being able to control myself when it matters most!" His despair had turned to fury, and he clawed at the ground, ripping up grass and sending dirt flying through the air. "I hate myself!" He raised his arm to his mouth, and before I could stop him, he sank his teeth into his flesh, holding on until I managed to wrestle his arm away from him. A new scar identical to the majority of them appeared on his arm, and that's when it hit me.

"Jazzy, did you, you," I paused, speechless with fear for him. "Did you do most of this to yourself?"

"Yes. The pain helps me control myself." The whisper was hard for even me to catch.

"Jasper, why?" I gripped his arm, squeezing out the venom. It pooled on the ground next to me, dripping slowly.

"After Maria, I found that the pain cleared my head, letting me focus on what I had to do. It still helps." He looked so ashamed of himself.

"Jazzy, please, look at me." I pulled his head up so that his crimson eyes met mine. "You don't need to do that to yourself."

"But I do!" He growled at me. "Otherwise I would go insane, killing more and more people, and I can't let that happen!"

"You're so strong, Jas. So strong." I whispered. "Only you would try and stop it by hurting yourself."

"But I'm not strong! If I was strong, this wouldn't have happened in the first place!" He was almost in hysterics again.

"Look, we've all slipped up at least once." I squeezed his hand. "Edward has, Carlisle has, Rosalie has, Emmett has, and even I did."

"But I've slipped up the most!" Jasper looked miserable, sinking into a pool of hatred for himself. "I can't do this Alice. Let me go to the Volteri, let them kill me, please, let me go!"

"No, I won't." My grip on his hand got tighter. "Just the fact that you care so much tells me that this wasn't your choice, but instinct. We all have instinct, Jasper. All of us."

"But everyone else can fight it! I can't, I never have been able to, and I hate it!" Jasper looked at me horrified with himself, and I knew that I had to pull him out of this self pity fest.

"Look, no one cares, Jasper!" I yelled at him. "You're the only one who cares this much, the only one who wants to make you suffer. And you need to stop!"

Jasper looked at me, shocked at my outburst. Then his body finally relaxed and he leaned into me, trembling. "I don't deserve someone like you." He whispered.

"No, you've got that backwards." I smiled softly. "_I _don't deserve someone as strong and sweet as you. Now come on, let's go back to the house."

Jasper looked at me, panicked. "No, I can't face them; feel the hurt coming off of them in waves, the feeling of betrayal."

"Who said we had to face them?" I murmured softly.

Jasper looked back at me, his face a mask of confusion.

"Come on, Jas, let's go." I slowly stood up, pulling him up with me. I started to run, smiling as I heard his familiar footsteps following me through the forest.

We stopped when we reached the house, and Jasper looked at me curiously. "How do you think we can get in without talking to them?"

"Geez, Jasper, I thought you were smart!" I pulled him by the hand over to our room, pausing under the open window. I bent my knees and jumped, landing lightly on the window sill. "That's how!" I scrambled into our room as he jumped up after me. I started to walk away towards the closet to get a change of clothes for Jasper when he grabbed me tightly around the waist and pulled me over to the bed.

"Jazzy, you need to change clothes." I pleaded weakly.

"Says who?" He asked.

"Never mind." I whispered, knowing where this was going.

Jasper smiled. "I thought so." He leaned down and kissed me gently. I deepened the kiss, knowing that I could never love anyone more. "Have I mentioned how much I don't deserve you?" He whispered once we pulled away.

"Lots." I laughed and closed my eyes, smiling. Jasper laughed too and I knew that he was already starting to heal.


End file.
